Well hello ladies & Gents! It's been a long ass week. One of those weeks that drag on and seem to just have you at your wits end. I've been feeling super distracted and not myself as of late. Our trip to New Mexico was wonderful and so needed but it wasn't enough honestly.
I wish it was longer!
What I haven't said to many is that as of late I have really been feeling like pulling back on photography. It's been something that has been building for a while now but as of late has gotten pretty bad. I have decided to take on less projects and only take on the ones I absolutely love! Photography has always been something I love and always will be. Art is so important to me but when the time comes that you need to reevaluate, well than it's time to take a breather. I've decided to focus on fun projects and painting and writing more.
Take some time to focus on myself.
I have also decided to go back to therapy. To some this might come as a surprise. But if you know me, you know I have struggled with anxiety and horrible depression almost my whole life. I've always moved a lot, tried to find things to help with my depression and anxiety and it'll work for a while and than bam I get back to this insanely horrible place in my head.
What I try to express to everyone who tries to run my emotions is that what works for one person might not work for the next. We are all different. We all struggle with different shit. At the end of the day you can't push what "YOU THINK" is the best thing on someone else, because at the end of the day it's what works best for YOU not everyone.
Find what works best for YOU
I had this insanely emotional conversation with my fiancé the other day. I expressed to him everything I was feeling and how entirely exhausted I was emotionally. I told him sometimes we need to just take time to speak to someone who is just an open ear. Sometimes I have found that some so called friends or family members can also presume to assume that they know exactly what will solve everything. They don't know unless they have been in your shoes or are a professional. The only person who can truly come to terms with your issues and with what will resolve it all is you. Sometimes to get to that place of resolution you need some professional help, and guess what, that is completely OK!
Seek professional help if needed
We are not perfect, we can't do it all on our own. Sometimes we need a little help to get to where we want to be. And that my friends is ok. I rather go out and get help when I know I need it, then to get to a real bad place. I've been their many times and it's not fun. It's not ok for you, or those who love you. At the end of the day when you go down a scary path the outcome of your actions don't only hurt you, it hurts everyone around you.
Getting help is ALWAYS ok!
My best friend one of the only people I can honestly say understands how I feel, told me one day that maybe I need a break a refresh. She's right. I do.
We were talking about happiness and what exactly makes us happy and I admitted I had no clue what my happy was. I think the issue is I haven't found the solution to what makes me happy. You know small things can bring temporary joy but what will bring me that complete happiness on a daily basis? What will make me feel "complete". That I need to figure out on my own, I am the master of my own feelings. I can create or break down my own dreams.
Find what makes YOU HAPPY
So I've decided to breath, take it slow, and build those dreams one step at a time. Blogging has been making me happy so I'm hoping to keep it up. I'm sorry for falling off the bandwagon last week I was having a rough week. I hope you guys understand and can support me on this path of finding "MY" happiness.
Breath, take it slow & build your dreams don't give up!
I hope you have a wonderful day and if you are feeling lost or exhausted know their is someone out there who has struggled with those feelings her whole life. We can all make it through it even if some days are harder than others. Just remember YOU can get through it!